Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize