It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm at about main and main street
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
