So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
