i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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