When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize