We're facebook friends in real life
I will die if light touches me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
