I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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