Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
