in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
