I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
