Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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