dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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