She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize