I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
