Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
