But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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