so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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