the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
