my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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