found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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