I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
