my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
