Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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