there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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