Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
