i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We need to rekindle our bromance
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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