Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
