I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
