3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
