My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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