We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize