**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
