I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
