What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize