16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
