I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
