I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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