Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
