Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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