Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
