So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
