But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
