I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
