Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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