I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
