Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
