The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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