I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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