but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
