respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize