have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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