I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
