Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Found your dick twin last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
