After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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