Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
