remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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