I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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