3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
