we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
