do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
