No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
