it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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