Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
