I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
