I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize