a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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