Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
