someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
