Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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